Dear Mr.Fateshifter:

Thank you so much for allowing your adopted daughter Zayrala to visit the children of the orphanage. It’s very encouraging to the others to see one of their friends in a happy home. Unfortunately there are some concerns about a story she told during her visit. The tale of ‘Little Blue Riding Hood’ I assume it’s Draenei based version of LIttle Red Riding hood.

Zay’s version of the story starts out largely the same, a little girl goes to visit her grandmother and the big bad wolf is after her. The differences start when Little Blue Riding Hood get’s to grandmother’s house. Rather than the usual ‘big eyes, big ears’ part; Little Blue Riding Hood get’s an uneasy feeling about Grandma’s change in appearance and starts asking challenge response passcode questions. I have no idea what that means… Once she realizes the deception she and I quote “Shoots him with her ‘My Little Nightsaber Grenade Launcher’ and tactically retreats as she calls for back up over her Com-Link.” Usually in the story the little girl is saved by a brave woodsmen, hopefully you can see how this is more appropriate for a children's story.

Zen stops reading for a moment. “That’s why I changed it… what sort of lesson is it to teach little kids that they can walk into obvious traps and that some random guy will show up out of no where to save them? The whole ‘big ears, big eye’ thing clearly shows the protagonist suspected something yet didn’t take the appropriate counter measures. My little girl knows if something feels wrong get suspicious, and all else fails explode the threat in the face and call for help. That’s the sensible thing to do.”

While I certainly admire Zay’s dedication to safe weapons handling (she double checked to make sure the weapon was unloaded before letting anyone else handle it), the grenade launcher she showed the other kids seemed too heavy to be a toy. You didn’t give your six year old a real bazooka right?!

Zen: “First off, how the Fel would she defend herself with fake weapon? That’s just a silly notion. Second bazookas and grenade launchers are very different things. Zayrala could have explained that.

After that part the story just get’s more and more bizarre. Little Blue Riding Hood calls upon nine to twenty four friends and form a raid to take on the Big Bad Wolf.

Zen: “Well ‘ten mans’, flex, ‘twenty five mans’ there are a lot of options these days.

Eventually with some dedication they get the Big Bad Wolf on ‘farm status’ and after several raids and more the a few ‘bonus roll tokens’ and losing once to another Mage that out rolled her, the epic caster staff Little Blue Riding Hood always wanted finally dropped and she soon climbed to the top of the DPS charts. Mr. Fateshifter why would you teach your daughter such things?

Zen: “I’m setting realistic expectations. Kids need to know that you can’t always get the loot you want on the first try, but at the same time I want her to know she can achieve her dreams. I thought that part was brilliant.

And the idea that Little Blue Riding Hood’s grandmother corpse running back from the spirit healer is just outlandish.

Zen: “Yeah because having the grandmother eaten whole surviving inside the apparently oxygen rich atmosphere and compressed dimensional space of the Big Bad Wolf’s stomach makes so much more sense. Not too mention the whole cutting the wolf open and extracting grandma bit from the original story is kinda gory and would probably traumatize the child protagonist.

I certainly hope you’ll take time to sit Zayrala down and have proper talk with her.

Zen: “I’ve given Zay ‘the people are strange and sometimes kind of dumb’ talk many times already.”


Mary Featherlight matron of the Stormwind Orphanage

Author Zenru
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