I do not know if I am ready to write about this now but I have not feel ready sinse it happened so I am going to write it any ways. It was verry scarry and I did not like it but I do not know what to do ABOUT it. I am going to write about it and maybe that will help.
I am going to work on my spelling as well. When I write I write quickly and then I make mistakes but I am better at writing now. I almost like it. Even if it still needs work my spelling is MUCH better!
First smaller things.
Etsi got mad at me when we were trying to rescue Sage. (We did. I need to talk to her.) I do not understand her AT ALL. The time I try to think like she does with packs and things she growls and snaps at me and was very mad. I do not know why I keep trying to be friends with her. She is so frustrating.
That is a lie. I know why. Respect is important. Even if it is tiring. I just wish she would be less mad sometimes. She gets mad so easy and then I am scared to ask things. And then I think we are better maybe but we are not. I wanted to talk to her about the wolf dreams but I am not going to now. She told me I do not get to say pack things, so I am not going to. I will talk to someone else.
I was late to the [scratchout] Crusaders meeting. I got lost in Stormwind. The city has very high walls and too many too many people and I do not like it at all, but it is important and home to many. There are many streets. I was sad to be late but when I came there was a man there that was odd. He was a death knight who acted like a Paladin, almost like the Justicar. She was there too and Kory also and the Marshall. We buried a man and they gave a [scratchout] service for him. I felt very out of palce because they are all… well, paladins and things. Except the death knight, even if he scared me, because he was not Aunne. I tried to be nice to him. I hope I was ok. Respect is so HARD sometimes but I must keep trying.
Who WAS that death knight anyways?
After the Crusader meeting the Justicar was worried I would get lost again. (She is not wrong.) She said I should spend the night at her house with her kids and I was very happy to do that. It has been a bit since I saw them last and I like her son and the baby too. It is good to remember why I fight. They should not have to be warriors who fight the Legion if they do not want to be that, right? She is a good mom and a good leader for us too even if she is definitely not OUR mom. I gave piggy back rides and ran around the forest till dark and the boy had a lot of fun which made me very happy.
Petal and I had a nice talk at the beech party. She is such a good friend. But the Legion has attacked the Temple now and I told her I wanted to help but she said that Uncle said not to. I do not understand but I am her knight and I am going to help regardless when she decides to go kick them out. They said I could come study there if I wanted and it is Petal's HOME. I will NOT let the Legion hurt anyone she loves not at all ever.
Now the big thing.
I went with Blackwald to the Vaults of [scratchout] Mogooshan. We were there looking for things to help find Sage and stuff. The Mogoo were very bad people and bad kings who made the Pandaren slaves till the Pandaren learned to monk and rose up and stuff. It was creepy and full of ghosts. We went down and down and deeper and found a strange room with starlight in in, and a terminal. It was a starlight machine room. A star dragon came when we pressed the terminal and we had to fight it and that was hard but we managed. It was a room of Titan Machine Things. I was helping search when I found them.
A sword and a book.
The book was made of pink and purple and blue spaceclouds and stars and the sky and HAD to be magic. I gave it to Petal because I definitely am not smart enough to read it and she does magic and she loved it so much and it made me super happy.
The sword is different.
It was one sword when I pulled it out of the urn it was hidden in and it is bigger than the urn so I do not know how it was there in the first place. It is big and curve like a cresint moon and golden and has star points in the blade kind of and is weerdly light for it's size because it is VERY big. If it were normal it would be a greatsword. It is not. I thought to myself I wish there were two for sword dancing and it SPLIT INTO TWO SWORDS JUST THE SAME AS THE ONE.
And when I think I need one sword IT BECOMES ONE SWORD.
AND WHEN I THINK I NEED A SMALL SWORD FOR MY SHEILD IT BECOMES A SMALL SWORD.
That would be sort of neat but that is not why it scares me.
When I went to give Petal her book Kun-Yi was there. Petal tried to see the sword like she saw the past of my shield.
She said it was very old. And then she tried to use magic and her eyes glowed purple and something… something HAPPENED to me. To us, Blackwald was there too, and he said he saw things when the sword did the thing. Images on the ceiling portrayed by magic. I asked him what happened and wrote down what was said word for word so I could remember exactly because I think it may be important.
I gave the sword to Petal, and then she said they were very old, and I thought that sounded right because of where we got them. And then she touched me between the eyes and things very very fuzzy for a while and I remember SEEING things. The wolf- it passed the wolf and it-me-we were just… I do not know.
Nightpetal's eyes go.. wide. And somehow a little empty – all pupil, very little iris left. Without asking, really, she reaches over to Cael, and, perhaps not recognizing the danger, reaches up to touch the worgen, right above and between her eyes. Her other paw comes to rest on the blade… which /rings/, somehow, as her magic touches it.
Cael inhales, sensing- her eyes flash gold- but she is DEAD still, because she will NOT move, and she doesn't flinch from Petal, though she does shut her eyes a little.
Nightpetal touches Cael – gently, there, and says something… in Pandaren.. in a voice that isn't wholly /hers/. Hereyes /burn/ suddenly, purple and gold, her own light and the swords' … and /so do Cael's/.
Caelryn is dead still, eyes some fucking shade between fuschia and magenta magic, roiling with gold.
Nightpetal is /utterly still/ – unblinking. The sword seems a tiny bit brighter… and her magic seems just a /hair/ dimmer. The sword in Petal's lap -SINGS- … and for a moment, /everyone/ sees, in the space above it, the clash of mogu, of bronze and gold and steel and silver against faceless creatures, horrors beyond description. Light against the Void.
Kunyee lets out a soft, whispered prayer or curse in Pandaren. Her eyes begin to shine as well, but softer, golden and slowly growing brighter.
Caelryn is still- not- well, yknow, her eyes are purple-gold-space-wolf, so she's still not all there to see this. She's seeing… something else.
Nightpetal speaks, in a voice that really isn't wholly /hers/ – "… the Black Empire clawed at the world, and to save her? We were made." It drifts into … not quite Pandaren, for a moment. Petal seems to struggle with it.
Blackwald murmurs, "The end… of the Empire – the cleansing of Pandaria, before it ever bore that name…"
Caelryn inhales, a sharp, silent hiss.
I remember the feeling. I was somewhere else and prickly-burning and everything at once but also not ME, either. I cannot describe it. It was more than anything I have ever felt and terrible and sort of good too in a way that scares me a little.
Then it started to do things to Kun-Yi and that is where it got really really really really very scary.
Kunyee slowly begins mouthing words along with Petal, her eyes glowing brighter. Almost as much as the swords, now.
Nightpetal finally breaks away – with visible effort, yanking her paw from the sword, shuddering. Tottering, a bit. The light takes some time to gutter out in her eyes, around her paws… it seems to take even more effort to try to stem the magic, as it flows. The images around the sword? They fade – but not before a luminous being, with a hawk's head and a man's body… raises his arms, leading the Mogu into the fight… against something one's eyes refuse to take in. Seeing it is somehow impossible.
Cael …. JERKS back to herself, gasping, and now she does flinch away from the image and kicks the sword onto the floor and away from both her and Petal protectively. She stares at them in fear.
Kunyee reaches out her own two paws to take the flow of light from her sister, her eyes bright now. "In those days there were such battles." Her voice sounds….heavy, all of a sudden. Echoing and deep. She catches the sword in one easy swoop, practiced, elegant …efficient. Stands. "Peace, sister Justice." Turns the blade, hilt first, back to the worgen. "Take thy blades."
Caelryn jerks again as Kun-Yi starts speaking. Her mind races. What, what, what is, what-? But she noticeably keeps herself between Petal, the sword, and Kun. Whatever was going on, nothing and nobody was hurting Petal…!
Nightpetal murmurs something – in that odd not-quite-Pandaren, offering Cael a very tired, slightly lost and confused, but reassuring smile.
Kunyee stands still, eyes blank but for light, and patiently holds the blades out to Cael. "Sister Justice. They are yours." Her voice is…not warm, not kind. But…solid. Strong. Wings seem to float, if for a moment, behind her.
Cael can't seem to move for a moment. She's shaking, and reeks of fear, but -looking back at Petal for reassurance, hearing the words take thy blades echoing in her mind- takes them, very carefully, from the unfamiliar pandaren in the guise of her friend.
Kunyee nods once. "Wield them well, sister, and know the valky…." Her eyes roll back as the blades are taken from her, the light suddenly extinguished. Too much. Too much, even for this sturdy and burning soul. She collapses.
Kun-Yi was not herself. I do not know WHAT she was but it was NOT a pandaren or I am a gnome and I am not. I do not want to be a Sister Justice whatever that is. I do not want scary magic swords that make my friends fall over unconshis and glow and make me see things. And what I saw-
What I saw…
I was in a like like an army, a front line, facing something I [scratchout] I can't remember except if I don't think about it and remember my nightmares and the thing in the Emerald Dream. It was like that but bigger and worse, so much worse, bigger than the cathedral in Stormwind. [scratchout scratchout] And it had eyes and mouths with too many teeth and tenticles. There were elementals like shamans have but more and HUGE, fire and earth, and we were fighting them too all of us fighting very hard. I could feel a burning but it was a good burning, like power and the feeling I get sometimes when we are fighting bad guys and winning and stopping the Legion. It felt like what the wolf remembers hunting but better and less dark and bloody, more…
[scratchout][scratchout][scratchout][scratchout] I do not know.
We were glowing with light and all gold and silver. And there [scratchout scratchout] He was not a man. I do not think he was anything I knew. It or he (he maybe?) looked sort of like a person but he had the head of a hawk. I remember that clearly. When he spoke I could [scratchout] feel the words in my bones.
"The world must be saved, my children – and /we/ stand. Do not falter!"
I remember that. I hear it in my dreams sometimes, whether it is nightmares or good dreams or nonsense.
Then there was more fighting, bloodier because the elementals [scratchout] had come in full force and we held even though these [scratchout] THINGS with mouths and tentacles drove them at us.
[scratchout] And then… I danced. I remember. It was dancing like fighting or fighting like dancing and my swords sang like the pandaren poetry talks about as we drive them back and away and fight and fight and fight. We're all burning with that glowing light (Light? Can we if we are not Paladins? I do not know) They seem endless but we fight endlessly. [scratchout]
Things stop being on fire. The Hawk-Man raises his hands and EVERYTHING, everything, everything is light so bright it hurts and it's kinda blinding but we all charge forward anyways to finish the evil blackness with the eyes and teeth. Nothing can stand. The swords sing. It's not happy except the kind of happy you feel when you're doing the thing you were made to be doing, the purposefulness happy feeling, and it consumes all the other feelings. I am not afraid. And the swords sing and sing and sing.
[scratchout][scratchout] Sometimes I think I can hear it still and I am scared.
I do not want these swords. I do not want to be a sister anything. But I am scared now to NOT use them because what is someone else does and they do bad things? What if someone else does and they get hurt because they were not for them but for me even if I don't want them? And the wolf, what if the wolf gets them? Will it use them to do terrible things? What if the LEGION gets them? That would almost ABSOLUTELY be BAD.
They scare me.
They scare me a lot.
I just want to help people. I do not want this. I do not think the hawkman or the singing swords or anything cares though. [scratchout]
There is one good spot.
My sword dancing has improved a LOT since then. I do not think on that a lot because it has improved very strangely quickly and I do not know if that is right or good but it is a thing and I cannot deny that it is a thing. It doesn't seem to have any bad sides to it… yet. But I can feel it. I can feel the dancing and the joy petal talked about in sword dancing and sometimes I think I can almost hear the song.
I never want to hear the song again. I really want to hear the song again whenever I almost hear it, though, and that… scares me.
Do you see a theem here Journal? I am always scared. It is bullshit. I am so tired of being scared all the time but I can't not be or… something.
I sort of want to talk to Sage or Aunne about it. Aunne is good for talking. Sage knows magic things. But Sage- I think she may leave if she gets a chance and I [scratchout][scratchout]
I can not lose another friend. I can't. I can not handle that. I need her to stay. She is important. We ALL need her. But she is important specially to me.
I am tired now. The Legion has tried to invade Stormheim three times in two weeks and I have been fighting there and other places too. The sky doesn't like them here though- the dragons and lightnings attack them a lot. The Vrykul say it is Odyn telling them to (as Kory says) fuck off. I think it is probably because the ships are high and lightning strikes high things but it is good for them to think things even if I don't. Writing has been hard and I am not good with my words still but I feel a little better.
Maybe I can sleep tonight. Night mares have been bad lately. I keep dreaming of the red monster wolf who rips my throat out and kills me.
I will eat first I think.