Kynkra hates the city. It’s too tall, it’s too noisy, it’s too much. He hates it. The Vanguard kind of loves it, he thinks. But it’s SO MUCH. The people here are good, they’re kind, they look at him like he’s the Vanguard’s pet. They never really saw charr before. He hates it. Also, the world’s going to burst into flames soon, again. He hates that too.

Well, maybe it won’t! Maybe everything will work out. Maybe nothing bad will happen from the magic that’s not really magic that kills people and turns them into shriveled shells and – oh, yeah, no, it’s going to get much worse, much sooner than what most people think. That’s how it always goes. He hates it.

We’re going to need all hands on deck, he thinks. There’s a problem with that, he also thinks. Her. All hands on deck means also her. Dasha. He forgot her last name, because it’s irrelevant to her skills.

You see, anyone else could ask her to show up, right? They’d go: “Dasha, you are super cool and strong, and your bow aiming is so accurate and you are so messed up in the head, come on and help us save the world! Also, that’s an order.” and she’d just pop right up! Great! We love that energy in the town of Vanguardville.

She’s fast. Faster than me. If she gets a shot off, I’m dead. I gotta mess up her vision.

But he’d be there, too. Kynkra wouldn’t sit an apocalypse out. That’s the problem. Dasha can’t fight well if Kynkra’s there, and Kynkra can’t fight well if Dasha’s there. They’re both bad for each other and it’s mostly Kynkra’s fault. He did something…petty. Well, he said something petty. He wanted to hurt her, because he didn’t trust her. And he hurt her good. He’s really good at that, some people would take pride in knowing they can tear a person apart with their words. Those people are psychopaths. So let’s just talk.

Fire. Of course. She’s afraid of fire. Make a blast of very bright fire in her general direction, and that should affect her aiming.

So if someone else calls, she’d answer, and things would get weird and, for lack of a better word, inefficient. No, it needed to be him. He needs to clear things out, right? Make her aware this was all a…misunderstanding. He made a mistake, he’s going to apologize, make things right. He just needs to find transportation home, and then find her, and then just talk. Just talk. Just talk.

The fear of fire is something she’s used to, something she’s familiar with, a wound that she lived with for years. So, she’ll likely still hit you in the shoulders. You can take that. Unfortunately, you won’t have time to use Scourge magic to shield yourself, you’d need to –

So that’s great!

Kynkra wants to fix things. Yay. He wants to talk. He wants to tell her he’s sorry, and he wants to help. He wants to heal the wounds. He’s willing to do a lot to help out. Rebuild burnt bridges and all that. Humans and charr, fixing the past one friendship at a time! Something to move Riathan to tears. So why can’t he, wonderful and really friendly Kynkra, ask for help with transportation? Teleportation would be much faster than any form of ship, flying or otherwise: there’s no reason to –

One missed arrow is all I need: I can see through the flames, she can’t. She misses, she dies. But she knows this. She could reposition before I get another explosion off. Then she wouldn’t miss. I’m rusty. I don’t have my suit. Won’t have enough time to fire another blast. 

Maybe she’s also rusty?

Maybe she took the time to help her friends. Maybe she took some time to build, I don’t know, a house? Maybe she’s not constantly training to kill charr. Maybe she worked through some stuff, you know? Maybe she didn’t, maybe she’s been afraid and hateful of charr for so long that changing, growing and becoming someone else, someone different, is scarier for her. 

Maybe it’s easier to stay afraid, to stay angry, because it’s consistent

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Maybe you’re the one that’s wrong. Maybe you won’t even see her hit you in the back of the head. Grab the suit, find where she is, and get it over it.

Someone dies, the other gets to keep a clear head. It’s better this way for everyone! Honestly, maybe the Vanguard could use a dose of quiet strong killer instead of a loud mouth with the words “Collateral Damage” tattooed on the forehead. In fact-

Ah. Wait a minute.

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There I go dissociating again. Funny how that works. You know, it’s impressive how much learning a word can change you. “Dissociation” and “dissociating” and how, by learning there’s a word for it, you can really identify and isolate the bad parts of your mind. Tutubi read a book about it: I think she does it too. I think she hurts inside too. It’s alright, we’re all like that. I think.

Anyway, let’s identify the problem here: i, uh…think i hurt someone in a way i shouldn’t have, someone who didn’t deserve it-

Maybe. Maybe didn’t deserve it. She still killed people.

Innocent people.

-someone who PROBABLY didn’t deserve it. And the rage I feel comes from…

The fact i hurted her out of fear? That she was the embodiment of people who want the charr dead, like the days of old?

No. I hurt her because I wanted to hurt someone. Because it feels good to hurt people, because when someone else hurts, it ain’t you who’s burning.

…maybe I’m angry because this whole situation is a complicated mess where two very complicated murderhobos met and I’m using a human mindset of finding whoever has the most “morality points” in this situation to make a decision on who I should be mad with? Me or Dasha? Why am I still mad about this? This was over and done: she’s helped save us, and I punched Shadow God in the face! This is supposed to be over.

I want it to be over. 

I’m exhausting myself.

Why am I angry here? I’m the one who did the hurting.

Real good hurtin’. Honestly, I’m really good at this.

Why am I in the Vanguard again? I could make a fortune with worse people.

Why did I talk about myself in third person at the start of this whole thing? That’s dumb.

Shit, I can’t go. I’m a mess. You can’t throw two messes at each other and make an omelet.

Tutubi could go.

Don’t be a coward. 

I need to talk to someone else first. I can’t just rush to meet her without a plan.

Well, I can’t talk about this to Tutubi. She’s got so much on her mind right now. I need someone else. Folks from the Vanguard also have too much to worry about right now. Shit. Right, I can – wait, I have an idea.

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I’m going to find a complete stranger and rant about my complicated mental state to them!

Excellent idea!

I see nothing wrong with this!

TO THE NEAREST NOODLE SHOP!

Author Krab
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