JOURNAL ENTRY: Up date

[Written in the rough, leather bound red journal in Cael’s tent. Her handwriting is… marginally improved, as has her spelling. Marginally. Scratchouts remain, though, and grammar is… still a work in progress.]

Dear Journal

It is me Cael again. I have [scratchout] not written in a while and I am sorry. Many things happened verry quikly. But I will be better from now on. I will try to write the things down that I remember.

Ryml is with the Templars now though he is not a Templar and I do not know if he will be one. He turned up at camp to turn himself in and Esre and Blackwald were [scratchout][scratchout] VERRY VERRY upset and mad at him and me. I do not think they are still mad but I was[scratchout][scratchout] verry sad for a while and that was why writting was hard. It hurt a lot and I did not like it and it made me scarred and sad and I felt alone a lot. But I think it is better now. I hope. Maybe. I should visit him soon wherever he is. I think Kory knows. Kory had him last. 

I got a letter from Sielic! It was good to hear [scratchout] from him. I hope he is well and not bad because of the things he did. But it is hard knowing. I do not know and I am glad sometimes even if I miss knowing other things. I will be his frend when he gets back. The letter said he was coming back and that is good. We need everyone to help fight the demons and the Legion. Also I am [scratchout] responsibl for him becus I talked to the half-him and convinced him to help so it is only right that I make sure he is not alone and sad. 

I saw Mosur again a few days ago. He is diffrent but ok I think. Even if he is sad becus the draeni city got attacked and lots of people died and were hurt. He hurt me when he lied but I am glad it was a lie and not real, even if it did hurt. I am better with that now than I was then. I told him it was ok and he smiled and that was good. It made me happy. I hope he is ok and does not do any things that will hurt him or be [scratchout] [scratchout] questionabl. 

Aunne and I are friends in person now! Not just in letters. We have written lots and when Blackwald and Esre were mad at me I went to see her becus she refused to help them be mad and maybe hurt Ryml I think and I [scratchout][scratchout] did not know who else to go to for things like that. I can talk with her mostly and be around her and fight. I still have work to do for doing this for other deth knights but I am trying verry hard and getting better I think maybe. Maybe. Aunne gave me a dagger that I wear all the time now on my belt. 

The Templars did a job for the mages. We [scratchout] eskorted a box of something from them. But it was much more complicated than that and things have happened since. The Justicar sed maybe they were not telling us all the things they should have. I do not know what she found. After that there were Templars including me who had scarry dreems- VERY scarry dreems. We do not know what this means but we will find out I think probably. What was in that box???????

Marshall Acele was kidnapped by demons and we found him but he has lost his memories a lot like me. He is ok but not well maybe. He talked like he wanted to kill the demons for reveng and that is not a paladin thing and he was a paladin so that is weerd. Etsi was very [scratchout][scratchout][scratchout] distrot when she found out he was gone and she went missing and wild for a while but we got them both back and they are better maybe kinda. But Etsi and I do not agree on some things. She sed my inside self was the problem and my wolf was an excuse and I got verry upset and left. I do not think Etsi understands at all which makes me sad becus if she did I could talk to her but it WAS NOT ME THAT DID THOSE THINGS. IT WAS NOT. I have been trying hard to feel this more and hearing her say it hurt. IT WAS NOT ME.

It was not and I will probly not be talking to her again about things like that again. Or until I can be less mad maybe. I have not been mad much and I do not like it.

I saw Petal the panda again. She is verry nice and I like her a lot though I am not sure I like her like I think she may be likes me and I do not know what to do with that or if I want it but she is verry nice anyways. [scratchout][scratchout] [scratchout][scratchout][scratchout] I have decided to not think about that other part becus I do not know what to do and I do not want to hurt people so I will do nothing. I met her sister too. Both are nice. Kun is better than she thinks she pretends to be also. Petal tried to cook but set my tent on fire but that is ok. There are more tents but not more Petals. 

I worry a lot that they will fight Blackwald and it will end badly. But they promised. I do not think they will break a promise. And Blackwald will not give back the thing which is frustrating. But they are not bad people and I will be their friends. The Anduin Lothar book says the best way to defeat an enemy is to make a friend of them and if I can do that maybe they will not be enemies. But I would do that even so.

Petal also is a verry powerful mage and I did not know that. I sort of borrowed ish a sword and sheild from Suramar and a dead[scratchout][scratchout][scratchout] fel dori and she looked at the sheild and saw BACK IN TIME. It was verry verry impressive. [scratchout] She is stronger than she thinks I think. But she said the sheild chose to fail at the time I killed the fel dori. Which means the sheild has a brain and I am not sure what to think there and I need to talk to Kory to make sure that it is ok and not evil somehow or touched by fel things. 

I stumbld on the BRAWLERS GUILD and Kory was there. At first I was verry nervous becus it looked like the Pit in my bad dreams. But I could get out, and the fights will be good training I think. [scratchout] Kory said so and I trust Kory. 

I should visit Lodianne sometime soon and make sure she is ok and eating. She was not eating before but maybe she has since. I want her to be better and not feel bad about things like she does. But she also scares me a little becus of [scratchout][scratchout] Zenrozem. 

[scratchout][scratchout][scratchout][scratchout] [scratchout][scratchout] [scratchout] [scratchout] [scratchout] [scratchout][scratchout][scratchout][scratchout]

There is one last thing I can think of that is important. 

The wolf has done things. 

First it was when we thought the same and jumped off the cliff instead of being a slave again or hurting people. Then it happened when Zenrozem was speaking in my head. And reecently it happened again like that. [scratchout][scratchout] It makes three times that this has happened. That the wolf has… I do not know. Protected me, or stopped him, or done what I could not do becus I was too scarred, or… something. But [scratchout] it did those things and I do not know if this is good or bad. It is good that Zenrozem was bitten but what if this means I am [scratchout][scratchout] losing more control of the wolf? It is always there and close and wanting to be me and do terrible bad terrible things and hurt and hunt and kill. If it can do things to demons can it do things to me? 

Can I MAKE it do things to demons when I want maybe? Or will this just be worse for controlling it? Is this a way to stop Zenrozem becus nothing else we did stayed?

[scratchout][scratchout][scratchout][scratchout][scratchout][scratchout][scratchout][scratchout][scratchout][scratchout][scratchout][scratchout]

I will not hurt the Templars. I will NOT. I am not a monster. Or I am trying. 

[scratchout][scratchout] Etsi and Irrilyth and some others think that I should try to be more wolf but they are wrong. That is NOT what I want to be. The wolf is a bad monster who does VERRY bad things. I can not be it AND me. It does not let me. I will not let it either. 

I have been wanting to talk to Kory or the Justicar about it but they are always verry busy with the war. And the Justicar has small kids too and family and I do not know if I am ok with interfering like that. [scratchout] I do not know. Talking is hard and asking is hard and I do not feel good asking for things a lot. But maybe I should try harder. 

I have guard shift so I must hurry writing all this and I will write more soon probably. Writing has helped my brain be better though I think. I will be better about writing.

-CAEL