The Templar Fort was rarely completely silent due to all the battle planning going on; however, to Kristiell this became mostly background noise. She spent most days guarding the portal, although she seemed far more distracted than her usual self. Not being able to focus on the mission was something Kristiell hadn’t faced in a long time. That’s all life ever was since being brought back from her rest.
Kristiell was feeling different for the first time; she had more personal thoughts on her mind. She had no idea how to deal with any of the issues she had because it had been so long since she had given her own well being a single thought. But what she could not decide was whether she was concerned about herself or other self. This world and the outcome of what happens became more personal than she ever thought it would.
“What can I even do?” Kristiell asked herself. “What if I am doomed and by stopping the legion my other self just dies another way?”
These thoughts were common to her now, questioning what effect she truly has on her this world self. She considered what it could mean if she failed in any way on this world. It was bringing out a feeling she had not felt in a long time, fear. She was afraid, afraid to die, not just for her other self but for herself. She had thought herself ready to die at any moment but now she was confused and terrified.
“I have died once, how can I fear dying a second time?” she thought out loud. “I exist only for war, and to fight, and die once again.”
She started to question her own mindset, even her own outlook on life itself. All at once she started to realize how much she actually enjoyed being alive again. “Enjoyed? Can I still really feel joy?” She was confused by her own thoughts. “No, that can’t be right my emotions died with me long ago.” But even she was starting to not believe that. She cared about people, enough so to risk her lives; it was never just for the battle that she was willing to die, but to protect the people around her.
“Gah! This is ridiculous.” She grumbled. “What use does a monster like me have for emotions? What could I possibly need them for?”
She started pacing around the fort trying to figure out what to do with herself, trying to distract herself from what she was feeling. “It’s too much, why did it have to hit me now? All at once.” She wasn’t feeling like her hardened self anymore. “What am I going to become? The Friendly, Happy Death Knight of the Templars?” she didn’t even realize right away that the comment was funny to her. “Grrr, Now I’m laughing at myself.” She grumbled and sighed.
She walked over to a bench and sat down trying to gain control of herself. So many things going through her head, Kristiell didn’t even know how to regain her focus at this point. Remembering her other self not only made her want to change her fate in this world but it also reminded her of who she was. Kristiell began to realize that this was actually a good thing. It was one last show of defiance that the Lich King never truly had her, because she can still feel for those around her. Monster or not she was still a person in some way, and she would do anything to keep the people she cared about safe.
“Sacrificing myself isn’t the best way. I need to be here, or I can’t change the outcome of anything.” She came to a realization. “I’ve been so stupid to think that this curse was only an evil, I have a chance to create a continuous show of defiance against what I was forced to be.”
Kristiell felt different, she wasn’t sure if she liked it yet but all these new found thoughts and feelings were starting to grow on her. She was starting to become the person she once was, maybe this other world was key to that, or maybe it was inevitable. Kristiell doesn’t plan to dwell on it, she has a new fire her existence.