Found stuck to the back of Arialynn’s armor while she’s in Dalaran. The note says “NERF ME” but turning the page over, there’s a formal letter on the back.

 

Dear Justice Car Ariaborealis,

 

What’s the deal? You ducking me? I’ve been trying to talk to you for weeks now! Ugh! You’re just like my ex. I’d say “Hey Alex, let’s go out for a drink tonight.” and she’d say she was fighting the War of the Ancients or Life-Binding or something. Five thousand years of that!

 

Let me start over. Hello, I’m Lei Pan, Pandaren Goddess of Punch. It has come to my attention that your guild is seeking allies to help combat the Burning Legion. I would like to extend an offer to let the Templars join me in my quest to punch increasingly larger and more powerful foes. I have traveled far and found none more worthy of being my sidekicks than you and yours.

 

If you require references or a list of my accomplishments, here are only a few of the foes I have defeated with a single punch:

-Y’Shaarj

-Yogg Saron

-Lei Shen

-Kil’jaeden

-Archimonde

-Gul’dan (not the current asshole, the old one)

-Mannoroth

*scribbled-out name looks like”King Llane”

-Illidan

-The Lich King

-Deathwing

-Some cub of a sow who grabbed my ass

-Garrosh Hellscream

-Elvish Presley

-Blackhand

-Bladehand

-Bladeeye

-The other fuckers in the Iron Horde

-and many more

 

Together I think we can be the ones to finally punch Sargeras in the face. I eagerly await your reply – just stick it under the leg of a table in the kitchen of A Hero’s Welcome in Dalaran. Don’t hand it to Nomi though, he’ll just burn it.

 

Sincerely,

Lei Pan, Puncher of All Things

XOXOXO

 

P.S. – When I met that worgen guy with the eye patch he was wielding some woman’s underwear. I think he stole them – maybe even from you. I’m sure you’ll find them in his possession if you search him and his stuff.

 

P.P.S. – I don’t know what he’s talking about, your butt does not look big in those leg plates.

 

P.P.P.S. – Call me.

Author Weary
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