(( Related: (RP) CHAT LOG: SWTOR The Hunt (Part 1) and [SWTOR] Night Talk (Jacqueline + Vanessa). The following is on my SWTOR Smuggler, Jacqueline “Jackie” Rees and her estranged daughter, Vanessa. ))
Standing at the curve of a wide lake shore, its stretches swooping past either side of her for miles, Jacqueline watched as Vanessa splashed and played in the sun. Even in the short time knowing her own daughter, Jacqueline could see from the child�s excitement that she�d seen no body of water larger than a puddle. The child�s smile was infectious despite the dark thoughts that preoccupied the captain. It touched her like a tiny prick of light peaking through the swirl of encroaching rain. Seeing the child play, the captain watched one growing part of her heart embrace the childhood that was denied to her in full, while her mind drifted towards another growing part of her heart so recently ripped away.
She recognized the wounded sensation, its familiar pain, and already she felt the thick, muted sense of scarring that threatened, offered to shield her. Insulate her. Cover the wound like the whitened, plucked-at flesh of a scar does, only capable of barely fading but never fully healing. Halonan was gone, cast down onto the surface of Corellia, with hours, days passing without sign of him. His Sith of a father had followed. Swallowed by the wilds and civilization of Corellia, a world of untouched jungle and warring cities, Halonan and Brembal Kybersmith vanished.
Kybersmith. The name drove a twist in the captain�s life when she came upon its name. First, a boy, by age a man but so immature in countless ways that it hindered him. First, a flirting annoyance, then an object for pity, then someone for sympathy, and then a valued friend. A steep step waited at the crest of their friendship, one Jacqueline proved hesitant to cross. Halonan Kybersmith had headlong leapt it and waited with a hand outstretched on the opposite side. A chasm stood between them, again she felt old scars offer protection; ready to make new ones, simply scar over and heal. Turn away. Forget and live. Move on. Find a new way. It�d be done before. Never allow a new wound the chance to grow deeper else it couldn�t scar at all.
Second, a man, older in spite of his dangerous life and years. First, a target, then a precarious ally, then a growing shadow, and then a hated enemy. Every moment in his presence was electrifying, exhausting, yet it charged her. Every fiber within rose to oppose him, every instinct within her warning her to fight, flee, and yet she was tethered. Between them was a child, in her young eyes a family made of the three of them. It was for a child the spacer inside Jacqueline allowed her wings be clipped, her back exposed, more than enough for Brembal Kybersmith to take her captive. Within the belly of the Shadowstar, he dug into her weaknesses, lay them bare. For a time, it left her open. The electricity that always recharged her, set her tirelessly against him, was spent and turned inward, fueling waiting inner demons stoked by his cunning. Laid so bare, it took time before she felt the spark return to her. Again scars took over, thickening into a new protective hide. Not as thick as before, perhaps never as thick again. An altered shield, untested, ready to fight again but standing at the edge of whether to accept or turn away.
�Mommy?�
Vanessa�s voice stirred Jacqueline out of her thoughts. She knelt down, leveling her eyes with the child�s. �What�s wrong, kiddo?�
�I heard Dad just call my name but he�s not here.�
The captain reflexively touched the blasters at her hip. After weeks of being disarmed, the cold metal was a slight comfort to find securely there. Setting a hand on her daughter�s shoulder: �Did he say anything else?�
Slowly, the child shook her head, but the worry on her small face was clear. �No. I think he got pulled away somehow. He�s not talking anymore.�
�He�s busy, �Nessa.� Probably with Halo. Her spoken words were no lie, her unspoken hoped the opposite was true.
�Mom, I wish Dad was here. And it�s okay, Halo can come, too. He can be mean sometimes but I promise this time I�ll see him this time. I won�t tell him to go away. I�ll be good, okay? If I say yes to Halo coming, then Dad will come home?�
It was only the latest iteration of the child�s bargaining. The water shores were a wonderful distraction, but any waking moment not spent playing, Vanessa�s mind immediately turned to the home life that�d come to define her.
�It�s not that, kiddo,� Jacqueline tucked a wet strand of hair behind the girl�s ear. �We have to find him, and trust me when I say that�s exactly what we�re trying to do.�
�But you�re not trying to find him,� the child�s tone strayed close to accusatory.
�S�because I�m here,� Jacqueline replied almost evenly. Even years of skilled negotiations with Hutts made her skills feel short in moments like this. Every step with Vanessa felt delicate and for Jacqueline, taken with fear, with an eye turned towards a past one Kybersmith now knew and the other only guessed. �I can�t find Brembal and be here at the same time.�
�Mom, I want you to bring Dad home,� Vanessa stared at her, her own tone well practiced after months of living aboard a ship, mimicking a commander�s actions. She stood adamant, fierce, and stubborn.
Accept or turn away. New scars rallied for both possibilities; to insulate her against the wounds of battle or loss.
To step across for Halonan was to accept. To refuse and turn his hand aside was also to accept. To embrace her child at night and know her young heart missed a Sith was to accept. To cave into the fear of motherhood deep within would be to accept. To give into old vices was to accept. To stumble on untred ground was to accept. Nearly every path before her accepted the conditions of war Brembal Kybersmith issued in every one of his actions.
Standing at the curved shoreline that stretched for miles, Jacqueline felt the air electrify again. She took in a deep breath and looked at her daughter: So little, yet proud, fierce, determined in what she wanted. So similar to her scarred mother after years of walking that very path and the dangers such determination wrought. Standing in the light of a little someone so assured, the captain felt the swell of what she herself wanted. It peaked beneath the tattered layers deep within.
�Okay,� Jacqueline told her. �I�ll go get them. And. Be ready for when we get back.�
The child�s returned smile was infectious. Her mother grinned back.
Challenges accepted.
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