To kill a friend and colleague because they are �beyond redemption� is a concept that is all too familiar with me. However, this Seilic fellow had the option of mercy, one that was never granted to warlocks that were �too far gone� within my coven. This has, in part, fueled a certain fear of my capabilities for a long time. If I strived for my potential and beyond, would I be next to have my head on the chopping block? Without the laws of my previous coven and Adrian�s sword to stand in my way, I am certainly not restrained by anything other than myself. However, the matter does give me pause.
Were the warlocks that we put to the sword truly beyond redemption? Was it wrong to track them like wild beasts and drag them back to Surwich to be put to death? Perhaps, and perhaps not. The matter warrants some calculation and consideration given the differences in what has taken hold of Seilic and the corruption warlocks endure.
No doubt the decision was hard and given my previous experience, I would have simply killed him. It seemed the route Janderius was bent on taking, and one he did not take lightly. At least, that is what I assumed from where I was standing. Perhaps I have been harboring this resentment for far too long for the mage. The pain he has endured has likely been taxing and he deserves peace. I also have other matters to occupy my mental space and time.
Unfortunately, it is pain that seems to occupy me most. My body is in an unfortunate state of disrepair, and I fear I have pushed it too much in the past two weeks. The burn on my left thigh could become infected if I am not careful, but I have cleaned it as much as I can.
Again, I am likely to blame for this considering I have yet to take the analgesics that I was given. I have a certain dislike of any medication that inhibits my cognitive processes, but tonight I may not have a choice. If anything, it will stop the numerous tears I have shed in private even if they are not out of pain or despair.
I have found a new sort of hope for myself. One that I had no longer thought possible for me, but many questions arise at the uncertainty of what lies ahead. There is both fear and excitement in that prospect, but at the same time I have can feel an internal fire, one I had thought dead for some time, burning new and bright.
Logic and sensibility caution me against letting my hopes and spirits rise too high. I think, just this once, I will push logic and sensibility aside in favor of the warmth and affection I have found in another.
As I take hold of the vial sedative, a new thought occurs to me: Perhaps I am not so damned.
Upon the morrow, I suppose I will hunt for the benefit of my health.
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