“No Kinga, please…I’ll watch Manos, Starcrash, even Mitchell. Anything but Man of Steel…”
Lei Pan woke from her nightmare with a start. It had only been a dream she wasn’t really being forced to watch bad mov-…wait, this wasn’t her room. This was not her beautiful house. This was not her beautiful wife.
She looked around the room taking in her unfamiliar surroundings. A couch she was laying on, a table, a few chairs, drapery, much purple, smell of the forest. Was she in Darnassus? The pulsing in her head intensified when she stood up. Ah yes, hangover. She couldn’t remember anything. How she got to this room, what she had been drinking, and the circumstances that led to her current predicament eluded her.
She would have to get the recipe for whatever she drank later.
A soft snore from the next room got her attention. She tiptoed to the doorway and saw a night elf woman laying in bed, sound asleep. Well then, she must have had a good night. Why was she on the couch though? Not wanting to wake her one night-elf stand, she picked up a pen and paper from the table and quickly wrote a note.
Hey you,
Had a great time last night…I think. Call me.
-The best ‘Lei’ of your life
The panda paused but she saw no skill point increase. Damn, Morning After Letters are green now, she’d have to write more for an inscription skill point. That would have to wait – now was the time to seek answers.
She headed outside the house to the sight of even more purple. Yes, definitely Darnassus. No matter, she could just use her red flying cloud to get back home. She looked around outside the house but there was no sign of it. She tried the sides of the house and finally walking around to the back but no flying cloud.
“Dude, where’s my mount?”
Walking further down the path in search of her runaway cloud, the monk passed a blacksmith working at an anvil outside his shop. He gave her an odd look as she walked by so stopped and turned around, �Moon moon ma-moon moon. Tree moon–
“I speak Common.” the night elf replied, rolling his eyes.
“Right. I’m looking for my mount. Big disc thing, sits on top of a cloud. No obvious means of propulsion. Disc looks like it’s only there to keep Toriyama from suing.”
The night elf thought for a moment then shook his head,”I don’t remember you having anything like that with you.”
“You remember me??” she closed the gap and got close to the elf’s face – gotta show ’em you mean business. First rule of interrogation: assert pandaness,”What do you know? How did I get here? What was I doing?”
The blacksmith looked more and more uncomfortable, his eyes trying to look away from the panda,”You arrived last night by portal from Rut’theran Village. You took the ship from Stormwind. You were…quite inebriated.”
Stormwind, of course! She’d been there many times, including a long stay after leaving the Wandering Isle the first time. Her mount had to be there!
Lei took a few steps back,”Thank you for the information, citizen,” she bowed,”A loon guide your path.”
“Uh…yes, you as well.”
On the walk to the portal Lei Pan passed more night elves and each one stared at her with confusion, horror, and even contempt. Yes, she had made a scene last night. It was definitely time to head out. Ooo! Apology letters. She could get a a lot of inscription skill from writing those! Later though, mount now. The stares and glares continued into Rut’theran Village. She had to sit on the dock facing away from everyone so she couldn’t see their faces while she waited on the boat. What had she done? Had she called Malformed Stormdrain a bad name? Had she made a pass at Tyrande? Made out with Elune?
…yeah, she was going to tell people she made out with Elune.
The ship finally arrived and Lei remained on deck the entire voyage. The sea air was waking her up and the voyage across the ocean really didn’t seem to take much time anyway. Crossing to another continent in a minute or two? And people called her weird.
It didn’t take her long to realize she was getting the same looks in Stormwind too. Oh no, she had done a bad. No one seemed to want to talk to her as she made her way through the city. Most people tried to ignore her. Finally in the Dwarven District she ran across a dwarf who asked her if she was lost.
“Beer beer beer, rum whiskey.” Lei said in the ancient language of the dwarves.
“Ale!” he laughed in response. Good, the ritual greetings had been exchanged, now they could talk business.
“Ale ale, rum beer.”
The dwarf nodded and pointed to Stormwind Keep,”Aye. Ale whiskey rum.”
Lei bowed to the dwarf,”Ale rum beer uh….” she searched for the proper translation,”Heineken?”
The dwarf dropped his flagon in offense and outrage,”Ye get the fuck outta here!!”
The panda did just that, running to the Keep as fast as she could. With the looks she was getting, maybe it was best to sneak in via the garden. She could stop in the library and say hi while she was passing through. Using her chi to float up to the garden she immediately heard a cry from her left,”Oh no, not again!”
Lei looked. One of the librarians was standing at the entrance of the library shaking her head,”No! No more book forts! I just got done putting everything back on the shelves!” she shouted at the panda.
Aaaaah, well that was one mystery solved. Stormwind sure takes their libraries seriously.
“I’m not here for books today. I’m trying to figure out what happened last night. Do you know where I was before I came here?”
“You were babbling something about Dalaran and coffee. Please don’t rearrange my books.”
Dalaran! There was a portal right here in the Keep…if she remembered right. She ran to the throne room to talk to a guard. Crap, what was the human language again?
“Oi guv, wouldst thou telleth me where mine cloud of flight doth be and where mightst I findeth yonder portal to the Ran of the Dala?”
Nailed it.
The guard did not react well. In fact, he drew his sword. Okay, maybe it wasn’t just the books. She had really really done a bad. She took off running for the front entrance of the Keep drawing more attention and more guards. That’s when she spotted it in the room to the right. The portal! She ducked into the room and leaped into the portal.
The taste of magic in the air told her she had made it before her eyes adjusted to the mage city. Unsure if she was followed, she rushed to Legerdemain Lounge. Inside she got the same odd stares from the patrons and the staff. She would max out inscription with these apology letters. But what to apologize for?
“Barista! You recognize me?”
The barista tried to keep her eyes on the coffee she was pouring,”Oh…more or less.”
“What happened to me last night?”
She sighed,”You asked to try the strongest coffee we had and mixed it with something you had in a flask – I believe you called it ‘Storm Brew’. Then after jumping around screaming about punching Sargeras for twenty minutes you ran out the door.”
“Oh…that explains some things. But where is my cloud?!”
“That’s yours? It’s outside the other door. It’s been there all night. Now could you please step outside? There are regulations we have to follow and I’m pretty sure this is a violation of-“
Lei didn’t hear the rest. She charged out the door to find her cloud by the steps, just as the barista had said. Mystery solved. Hmm….Dalaran was pretty drafty this morning. In fact, so was Stormwind. And Darnassus.
Lei looked down at herself.
“Dude, where are my clothes?”
TO BE CONTINUED IN:”DUDE, WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES?”
“Oh wait, that’s them hanging from the coffee shop sign.”
NEVERMIND THEN.
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