[WoW] Mission Report: Silithus

To:                        Justicar Arialynn Dawnfield

Mission:              Expedition to Fuck Up That Big Sword

Leader:               Immortal Grandmaster Highlord of All This and That Lei Pan

Templars:          Professor Bixink

                            Captain Quincy “Victor” Blackwald

                            Esreiella “Esther” Something Or Other

                            Jenidan

                            Priestess Paraieta

                            Selanna

                            Zetera

Status:               Partial Success

Detailed report follows.

Everyone was in a massive funk after the Alliance/Horde war started up again, Teldrassil got burned, and the battle for Lordaeron didn’t go quite as planned. Tensions were high over a disagreement about what to do with Horde prisoners of war, so I thought we needed an easy victory.

So I took them to Silithus to deal with that massive sword that asshole Sargeras left behind when I punched him into space.

During our approach to the sword we were accosted by Kil’jaeden and one of those big bug things. Through use of warlock fire and Demon Hunter eyebeams (from Jenidan), one of his faces was melted off. Paraieta then ripped out his heart, squished it, and crammed it down his throat causing Kil’jaeden to explode into many pieces. Attempts to seduce and enthrall the pieces were unsuccessful. The bug minion spontaneously combusted or something, I wasn’t paying much attention. Captain Blackwald received a minor injury when a shot from his pistol went wide, circled the planet, and his himself in the ass.

Further down the hill we were blocked by Arthur Menarelittle, better known as the Lich King. He tried to raise us all as Death Knights but we weren’t dead, so we just kept attacking him while he monologued. Some damage was done, but do to several fumbled attempts (OOC, this is when the dice were being really petty – the highest roll was a 2 on d6s) I was forced to step in and punch him into the sun.

When we thought we had a clear path to the objective, Deathwing suddenly swooped in and a multi-stage battle commenced. First the Templars fought Deathwing’s head and after some massive damage, Zetera cut his head off. Side note: due to recent patches on my dragon costume, damage doesn’t scale well. In fact, the scales just flake off in some places.

The headless dragon continued to attack, and the team fought his spine next. Professor Bixink began to read to the dragon, boring him into an intense slumber and opening him up to further attack. Once the body was destroyed, they were faced with the Ass of Deathwing. Esther cursed it with extreme flatulence much to Jenidan’s dismay and a fire caused an explosion. A magic cork was shoved into the business end of the dragon while Selanna forced beans into its exposed digestive tract, causing the Destroyer’s system to back up. He exploded.

We were met with cheers from around the world as we once again saved the day.

Then I punched the sword. As it is an inanimate object and not a living creature, one punch didn’t do the job. This may take further punches.

-Lei Pan

((Thank you all for attending this event. I hope I got the details right as I forgot to take notes. For those who weren’t there, this was a silly little experiment involving IC LARPing DM’d by Lei Pan. Participants got to roll dice on the ground of Silithus and throw attacks at imaginary enemies. If you weren’t able to attend and this kind of thing interests you, I’ll be doing another one in the future so hopefully we can get more people in.))