OOC: Growing up repressed makes things hard, sometimes. Capturing a moment of racing, paralyzing thought during a few minutes of RP. ))
Outlands had a strange way to note the passage of time. Its sky sparkled with stars night and day, but come night, there was a distinct feeling of stillness in the air. Whatever circadian rhythm its creatures kept marked sunrise and sunset, and the shift that took over the outside symphony was decidedly the nocturne variety. Sometimes, Idella noted an extra moon in Outlands’ crowded skies some nights, and in spite her careful journaling on such celestial bodies, she had yet to determine whether how it coincided with night, weeks, or for that matter, the passing of a month. But all musings aside, she sat huddled on a beach with her feet soaked in the tide, the hems of her rob uncomfortably wet and sticking to her sides, blushing from neck to crown as a friend played in the surf.
It should have been fine. Why was she like this? She and Lena only hours before planned on a celebratory night swim. Lena was learning to read again, Idella was days away from becoming a worgen. The night carried an air of victory, of finalities. Like a birthday, but not. They joked of wine and chocolate, maybe scoring ice cream somewhere in the hoards of supplies that came from Azeroth. None of it involved Idella curled up on a beach wondering why her face was hot and chest thudded impossibly loud as Lena swam nonchalantly in the water just a few feet away.
Why was she like this?
Lena was always there for her. At Caer Darrow, without question, the worgen slept against the locked door of Idella’s bedroom, a second ward against intruders. The young witch didn’t even need to ask, and the arrangement must have been terribly uncomfortable. Once or twice, Idella considered at least offering the foot of the bed, but the gesture seemed oddly dismissive. Lena wasn’t a wolf, and yet yes, she was. But she made her own choices. If she wasn’t sleeping at the foot of the bed already, she didn’t think it was needed. She was clever, smarter than any she knew. She likely already thought of it. Right?
Or was it that Lena kept careful boundaries from Idella, too?
Another thud in her chest. She knew Lena liked girls, they talked about it openly. Idella herself regularly cheered Lena on when they shared their feelings on potential dates. Of course she wanted Lena to be happy. Every dark moment in recent months and the worgen was there, with matter-of-fact words or just a comforting nose to the cheek. A rock. A pillar. Something to lean on, cry on, but never, ever take for granted.
Yes, that’s what this was about.
Of course, Lena was always there for her. Feelings are complicated. But the first feelings you feel must be true. Everything after that is just nonsense. Things don’t change, over time. Idella wanted to be there for Lena, that was only right. She wanted Lena to be safe — well yes, that was most certainly true. She wanted her to be happy — there were a lot of ways to do that. She could always do that and not give in.
Wait, what? Give in to what?
Wrapped up in these thoughts, Idella blushed head to toe and stayed rooted on the beach. Suddenly, somehow, being naked in front of another girl was forbidden. Well, not just any girl, but this girl in particular. Definitely this girl.
No, it’s always the first thought that’s the most true. Lena was her best friend, her most trusted friend. There wasn’t a thing Idella wouldn’t do for her. Caer Darrow, before and after — she’d never forget. Lena was there for her. She’d always be there for Lena.
Except now, in the water. No — she stayed on the beach. That was safer. This didn’t give away anything.
Wait. Safer? From what?