The hand that writes is much steadier now, and the script flows rather then stutters, pretty lines across the scroll.
It is getting cold here, I think perhaps colder then it ever was back home. The turtle always did stay close to more temperate climates. I shiver, even when I am in thick robes, although I like the cold. It is clean and fresh and does not stink the way the heat does.
I think, maybe, that I am getting better? The weariness does not sting so deep, the memories…the memories still plague me, but every day I remember the words of my friends, and their kindness, and it is starting to set me on the right path. A path I begin to see emerge from the shadows, although I still fear to walk upon it.
Perhaps I need to spend more time with Xinlei. I have heard many times that I am a good monk, or could be, that I can teach and guide as a mentor, but I just don’t know. I feel uncertain every time I meditate, although it begins to calm me as it used to do, because while I am just starting to feel more sure in myself I don’t think I can do the same for another. For someone who would trust or be dependant on someone so broken. I am a poor monk, and a poor pandaren. I still can’t find my appetite, even when my friends bring me dumplings.
But I must continue on to the right path. Kory has leant me her strength, and watches so carefully I fear to disappoint her. I feel…yes, I can trust her, and I am steadier when she is near. It is a wonder and I think that maybe I might be happy for that. It is the first little joy I have known in so long. The Justicar I have not seen so much, but she could be a monk with the calm presence she carries, as if my fear is banished. Zen, the kitty…he makes me laugh, and distracts me. The explosion the other day was very pretty, and I didn’t even startle as I used to do.
Is this the light the Justicar spoke of? The soul I am dragging out of the Pit? I fear and yet these days I have hope, and with that comes new uncertainties. I must keep telling myself I deserve to feel happy some days. I know I am not useless.
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