Dearest Kuru’nai –
I am so very sorry I have been gone for so long, yes? There is always something else, and it is not a good excuse, but I am doing good for now, and it is very hard to just stop. I will come home again soon, when Etsiyona is found, but I am more and more afraid that she has been hurt or worse, and I cannot quit until it is I know.
I have done something about which I am not proud, and I have spent much time thinking what you will think of me when it is I tell you about this thing. And I have decided, then, that I have to decide to be better. War is not-kind, and there are always things that must be done that are not-kind to make those for whom you are fighting safe. Until you were here? I did not have someone I was fighting for – it was always some thing, or some idea, but never a one, yes? It has changed me, I am thinking – I have become not willing to simply trust. I will still do hard things, but now I must always know why, and the why matters very very much.
It is a thing that you have taught me. That I can be something more, yes? I do not learn very fast, but I do learn. I think Arialynn will be upset with me, so you should not be angry if she is. There is good reason, and if it is you are asked where I am? Do not worry – tell them I am in Stormheim, and do not be afraid.
Anyway, that is where I am, where there are Vrykul and trees and many Forsaken. I still do not like them very much, the Forsaken. You will come to know that it is very hard to make a thing, and very easy to destroy a thing. Making is love, yes? Making a thing, even a thing that does not last, lets all that you are shine and show and creates other feelings in other people. It is not always good feelings – like the great green fel-towers of the Legion – but creating is still a deep act. I remember once the one with yellow eyes told me that making things is to being the First Magic, and I think I have started to understand, a little.
It is why destroying things is so awful. It is a thing that must be sometimes, to make way for better things that will follow. But when it is destroying just to destroy, it is a thing that breaks all. The thing, those who loved the thing, and even the one that does the destroying, yes? Just a little inside, you break a little more.
I have come to think that the Forsaken are a little broken, because they do not create. All that it is they do is destroying. It is like -he(scratched out) Arthas was. His empire was one made by destroying all things, and had nothing that was to being its own. Even the buildings were stolen things, pretend-makings. When it is you are this way, breaking everything, not making a thing for joy, but to break even more? Then there is something wrong inside.
I am sorry to write that the one who saved your heart has died. She was very kind to us when none others were, and I will bring a book she gave to us home soon. I think she would like it very much if we sang for her, even if it is just us, yes? I hope you will not mind. I did not know her long, but she was very special because she was -good-, and because all of her being-kind gave me back you, yes? It is selfish, but .. I will exist a very long time, and I will not stop in remembering her.
There is one more thing I must say, yes? I am to be leaving the Blade. I know sometimes Haruun comes by and talks for a bit – I hope you will tell him this? The bad thing I have done was because I believed they were terrible but good, and they are not either. They are not lost, yet, but I do not think I can follow anymore where they go. Maybe you will help me pick out new armor? I am not very good with colors, but Victor says I should not wear these things anymore, and I think maybe he is right.
I think of you very much when I am seeing pretty skies or new flowers. Maybe when all is done I will come home, and there will not be any more reason to go places. I think I would like that for a while.
Oh! before I left, the boy who helps at the tower gave you the flowers I left on the table, yes? He was very nice, and very silly and nervous.
You must keeping up with your studies at the Tower, and your reading. I will ask when I am home. Also, I have a new friend I will give you when I am back! His name is Prowl, and I think you will like him very much. I have told him about you and I think he is very interested to meet you, but he is a cat and sometimes it is hard to tell.
Please be safe, kuru’nai? Do not get married or something silly before it is I can get home. If it is you need me, the stone will speak – but please do not use it unless you must, because it is not safe. I do not wish those who may be listening to know where it is you are. A letter sent to a place called the Greywatch will come to me eventually; it is I stop there very often just to bring food and make sure all are alright.
The worgen are very brave, but a little silly. They are forever getting hurt being brave without thinking.