A mid-sized golem sat near the waypoint, emitting a quiet, electronic hum. It had soft roudned edges and looked non-threatening. It was a lie. 

“Look, I didn’ design this shit for Largos,” Imke muttered as she stalked away from it. Whatsit, a tiny assistant golem and her perpetual shadow, beeped quietly. “Who the hell designs anythin’ anticipatin’ Largos?  I didn’ even know what the fuck one WAS until Tove said one snuck in here. Stay in the ocean you sneaky fucks…”

—–

Riathan would find a note on his desk, penned in a script that was tiny but flawlessly neat.

BOSSMAN:

Sorry about that. What the fuck is a Largos, anyway? I’ve upgraded the security system, replacing the old Authentication Matrix with something I filched from the Inquest. Yes, I programmed the KILL command out of it, although the zap the weapons system will bring is no hug. 

I also diversified said weapons system, as the lasers are more easily foiled than I’d like. Now you can be electrocuted as well as fried, or pelted with non-lethal ammo. Or netted. Or all of the above, if you’re in an unlucky spot.

Be aware that there may be some false positives until the learning software catches up! I had to tighten parameters. The system now identifies people based on a combination of facial recognition, voice recognition, stride recognition, and pinging the radios to see if it matches with logged radio identifiers.

So if you come in with a new helmet, limping from an injury, with your radio lost in the sea somewhere, and you don’t say HELLO SECURITY BOT, the system will probably bitch at you.

Just saying.

Oh, by the way, meet SecBot! He’ll generally be roaming the guild hall. His purpose is primarily diagnostic, although he is weaponized so that he can act as a mobile response unit as needed. He’ll also greet guests and make sure that WELCOME visitors aren’t zapped/netted/etc if no guild member is available. You may speak with him, in person or over the radios, to arrange for guests beforehand. 

I have focused weapon and sensor upgrades around known residences. There are also twice as many around Cap’s place and your office as anywhere else for reasons I don’t feel the need to elaborate.

I will hold INFORMATIONAL SEMINARS on HOW TO NOT GET ZAPPED BY OUR OWN FUCKING SECURITY three times over the next week. Times will be posted. If people don’t attend it’s not my fucking problem. The security system DOES have a verbal warning component, but if you don’t listen to it and give SecBot time to double check  your credentials, again…not my fucking problem. 

Hope this helps.

-Imke Ames, Jr Partner of Ames Engineering,  Sole Proprietor of Cognsatch Industries, Engineer on call for the Vanguard of the Silver Dawn

P.S. I’ve left additional radios also, because I don’t even fucking know what y’all do with them sometimes. They all have tracking devices, although they are disabled by default. I suggest turning one on though and making sure Genjl has that one. And maybe Cap. And yourself.

No reason for these suggestions, of course.

Author Ambrosine
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Comments (4)

  • fiel
    February 5, 2019 at 1:18 pm
    Just implant a tracking chip in Riathan. And Genjl. Especially Genjl.
  • jander
    February 5, 2019 at 3:29 pm
    What a title
  • February 8, 2019 at 10:07 am
    NAMING THINGS IS HARD
  • February 8, 2019 at 7:40 pm
    WOW

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