Bedi’s fingers hovered over the edge of the datapad. She’d been pondering how to phrase, how to start this letter for some time. What would Jackie think of it?
She took a breath and sighed. After seeing Brembal, back then, she’d retreated again. Took time in meditation, on the most godforsaken rock she could find. Hoth suited nicely, and provided her place to practice the other extreme of her endurance. But still…but still. Was she a coward?
*He* had that effect. Like a drug, she came to realize. She’d seen it before, in the lower levels of Coruscant, on Balmorra, back home. War torn and dark places, where people had little to live for and where spice and other forms of release were their only escape. A bastard, a cruel and manipulative man, and yet even now she was in love with him. Felt the surge of emotion. Had to run and hide or else she would very well have found herself trailing after….
Bedi closed her eyes. Breathe. Embrace the cold. No.
She was a coward, but she needed not to be.
Captain,
I doubt you wish to see me, and I do not expect to be welcomed. But I have tried to make some use of myself, and honed skills better suited to healing. If you have need of such, I make myself available to you, whenever and however you made it. If I may visit your company again I would like to do so, to apologize in person if it is right to do so. If you do not wish me to, I will refrain, but my services will still and always be at your disposal.
I am so very sorry.
Your servant,
Bedisa.
She stood back from the datapad and pressed send before she could hesitate again. There. It was done. It might mean she would see *him* again, but she could remain strong. She knew his effect for what it was, despite her own feel….
This was no chill breeze. No spear of night air from Hoth’s surface. It cut like the worst the planet had to offer, but cut to the bone, and in her unguarded moment, drove her to her knees.
Nothing. Just…nothingness. Empty. Cold. Not like before where there had, for a time, been a simple absence. A separation. This was atrophy. Bedisa could no longer feel his presence, and a simple, desperate search into the void revealed…nothing. Nothing! She pushed herself to her feet, shocked, pale, shaking. So it had happened. He was…he had spoken truth. The illness, whatever it was, had finally taken him. But so soon! And so…
So quickly. So empty.
Bedi sank into her chair, pulling the furs around her, suddenly shivering. Calm. Centre yourself. Lack of discipline now would leave her dead, frozen as the ice around her. But it was hard. So very hard. Like an addict, suddenly cut off from even the barest hint of him. Calm. Calm.
Calm.
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