SWTOR: Bedisa’s Journal, Serenity

Wallaroo

What joy I have. 

Brembal has spoken so deeply and fervently of passion, of how it moves the Force…and I have spoken to him, more then once, of how it is not the one and only motivator. 

But oh, I have felt it! 

There were waves. Waves upon waves, as we lay together for the first time. I felt passion, I felt his strength and his power and his darkness as our auras mingled and became so very clear to my sight, even in the midst of our distraction. Or because of it. I felt his love, even as I felt the Force flow around us.  I sought, I sense, his desires and the waves crashed over me again and then lifted me up to a point of perfect joy and serenity. 

Oh, there is so much more here. So much more with him. He must have felt it too. He was lifted up as well, and I could see how perfectly balanced we were together, in the midst of passion and the Force. He is darkness, yes. And I am Light. And we each carry within us a piece of the other, light and dark, and it is…right. It is good. It is the way the Force moves and it is the way the universe is. I was…it was…I am still shy, and overwhelmed, but the term could be ecstatic. How have the Jedi not seen how right this is?

I am stronger with and because of him. His passion empowers me, but his darkness does not drown me, no more then my light overthrows him. I love him, and could walk the worlds Jedi or no, and I am happy.  

I know there is something in him still that he hides from me. In our moments together, there were shadows that swirled, frightened me a little, but they are so much a part of who he is that I am not upset or angry at him for it. I worry for him, and I worry a little of what he plans or what our future may hold, but the greater sight showed me in those moments that all is a matter of perfect balance, and his actions are merely a part of that whole. I wish to speak with him again, I crave it in some ways, to be near him, but also to share and to know.

There is passion, there is serenity. There is chaos and there is order. Neither can exist without the other, and it is perfect.