The Expert and the Amateur

"Seriously?!" Aertemis shot a look at Doradrassil. 

 

"That one wasn't me!" Doradrassil protested, peering in the direction of the explosion in the Iron Horde's camp. The mystery of the exploding orc camp was solved in moments, however. Rolling, obnoxious laughter pierced through the rumbling of the settling rubble and cries of orcs. The laughter came from a goblin, and he looked to be having the time of his life. 

 

* * *

 

"Nothing like a little improvising to keep you on your toes!" Razboom cackled, reveling in the wanton destruction that he was sure, for once, nobody could blame him for.

 

An orc broke free from the chaos and charged him. Razboom lobbed a sawblade at him, expertly taking him out of the picture. "I gotta tell you," he confessed as the orc fell sputtering to his knees, "I've been waiting for you guys all my life! Finally, I can just blow things up and actually be called a hero for it!" He flexed his muscles, looking over at his ripped and quite handsome arm, until the orc spit blood in his face before keeling face-first into the dirt.

 

* * *

 

"What is that idiot doing?" Doradrassil growled.

 

"Speak of the devil, and he shall explode," Aertemis said with a wry smirk. "That's him, actually. The goblin I told you about."

 

Doradrassil's face contorted with disgust. "You have got to be joking."

 

"'When in doubt, blow it up.' That's the goblins' motto, right? Like I said, he'd like you."

 

Apparently hearing their voices, the goblin turned and sighted the two of them. He smiled at Aertemis and waved in greeting. The death knight nodded in answer as the little goblin started toward them.

 

"Oh good, here he comes," Doradrassil muttered, covering her face with her palm. "Two Wardens, the definition of subtlety, consorting with a creature who likely can't spell 'subtlety.'" She shifted uncomfortably.

 

Aertemis smirked. "Speak for yourself, little shadow. You're the one who blew up the tent where that decoy was staying. Which wasn't even your first time setting off explosions there, if I recall." 

 

The goblin locked eyes on Doradrassil with a smile. "Oh, so you're the amateur who moved my explosives to another tent!"

 

Doradrassil blinked. "Excuse me? Amateur?"

 

"Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of big explosions, and the one you arranged in that leader's tent was awesome! You show a lot of promise! But when supplies are tight…"

 

"I am a Warden, you twit!" Doradrassil hissed. "Not some hare-brained pyromaniac!"

 

The goblin's eyes went wide. "Ohhh, I see."

 

Doradrassil nodded. "So I'd appreciate it if –"

 

"So you're not even in the explosives business! You really are an amateur!"

 

Aertemis' smirk was obvious, and she appeared to be having difficulty suppressing an outright laugh. Doradrassil whirled on her. "Who does this he think he is?!"

 

The goblin backed away a step. "Oh, my apologies! Razboom Crankshaft, at your service! Don't you worry, under my wise tutelage, you'll be an expert demolitionist in no time!" His grin spread impossibly wide and reached for Doradrassil's hand in what seemed like an attempt to kiss it… at which the Warden immediately jerked her hand away.

 

"He's an employee of the Shadow Trader," Aertemis explained. Doradrassil nodded her acknowledgment.

 

Razboom's smile vanished almost instantly. "Wait. You… You know him? Both of you?" 

 

"You remember your assignment in Ashenvale, right?" Doradrassil asked. "I thought your name sounded familiar. I was the courier who brought Nilari the Shadow Trader's message for you."

 

Razboom's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Wait, but you said you're a Warden? Those are like, super-elite crack commando troops, right?"

 

Doradrassil shifted uncomfortably at being called a crack commando. "In essence, yes."

 

"And he has you doing courier duty? And how's the Trader able to order you people around anyway? Unless you can buy Wardens, in which case…how much?" He reached for his coin purse.

 

"He doesn't order me around!" Doradrassil snapped, nearly interrupting Razboom. "But he has… friends in high places."

 

"Pft, tell me about it," Razboom sighed. "I tried to arrange a meeting with him. For my own safety, I tried to recruit the most dangerous person I know as a bodyguard. It turned out: she's his bodyguard!"

 

Doradrassil cringed. "That's…not an enviable position, I'll give you that." 

 

"But hey, maybe you two could help me!" Razboom exclaimed, his eyes lighting up. "You'd make great bodyguards!"

 

"We're not mercenaries… and I was the courier, remember?" Doradrassil reminded him.

 

"It would be the same predicament," Aertemis explained. "I think it would be a…what's the goblin term? A conflict of interests?"

 

Doradrassil couldn't decide if Razboom's heart was sinking or catching in his throat, but the look of horror on his face…

 

"Are you…his bodyguards too?" he finally managed. 

 

"Sometimes," Aertemis answered with a nonchalant shrug. 

 

Razboom had turned a shade of green Doradrassil had not seen before.

 

"Why don't you try Rann though?" Aertemis suggested helpfully. 

 

Razboom immediately shook his head, recovering. "No. No way. I don't want her mixed up in something this messy."

 

"What do you mean?" Doradrassil asked. 

 

"Look, I… I like Rann, okay?" Razboom confessed. "I'd do a lot for her, even if there wasn't profit in it. I don't mind sayin', I don't trust this Shadow Trader, and I think he knows it. You work for him anyway, so he might as well know it now. I can't trust somebody I can't see, no matter how good the deals are." 

 

"Would you trust him anyway?" Doradrassil asked. "He sounds like a goblin to me." 

 

"See, that's the thing, lady," Razboom said. "I don't even know what he is! If I knew, I could have some idea what to expect from the guy! Anyway, point is, I don't know what to expect from him, and I don't wanna get Rann mixed up in this. I don't know what he might do."

 

"That's admirable," Aertemis said, and her voice sounded genuine. "Rann would probably like to hear you say that. When's the last time you saw her?" 

 

"Aw fel, I dunno. Around the time she declared Alliance allegiance, I guess. Wait, how do you know her?!"

 

"She's a friend of a friend," Aertemis explained, waving it off like it was nothing. "At any rate, you should go talk to her. If it's been that long, I'm sure she'll be glad to see you."

 

Razboom hung his head. "Yeah, right. I've nearly gotten her killed more times than I can remember, and I couldn't even get the Dragon Aspects to acknowledge her place among them!" 

 

Doradrassil blinked, but before she could ask, Aertemis said, "I'll tell you later."

 

"Well… you should tell her about your heroics at the camp down there," Doradrassil suggested, beginning to feel sorry for the dejected goblin, if only a little. 

 

Razboom perked up. "Yeah… Yeah, I should, shouldn't I? She'd get a kick outta that!" 

 

Aertemis snickered. "I'm sure she would." She pointed in the direction of the Alliance camp. "She's off that way, I believe. You may want to take precautions with all the Alliance in the area."

 

"Don't have to tell me twice!" The goblin adjusted his utility belt and started off in the direction of the camp before stopping to turn toward Doradrassil. "You're sure being my bodyguard is out of the question?"

 

"I'd be in over my head against the Shadow Trader's guards," Doradrassil answered. Razboom achieved another new hue of green at those words.

 

As soon as he was out of earshot, Aertemis muttered, "Was scaring him like that really necessary?"

 

Doradrassil smirked. "Probably not. Felt good though."