I wish….

She turned over on her bed, silent as she had been for some time. Other then tears. Other then sighs.

I wish I wasn’t afraid…

Here she was again. A place of fear. The smell of fel smoke, the sink of blood. The trembling. The shame. She hadn’t been good enough. She had fainted. And now she was too ashamed to show her face. Too afraid to leave the inn that had become a safe place all those months ago.

I wish I was better….

The dreams were coming back. The tossing and turning and sweats. The panic. When would it stop? She thought she was doing better. She thought she had gotten better. But here she was again, ashamed and afraid and silent and so… Tired. So tired. Murdhoc. The Legion. So many things to do. Cael. Suffering. It hurt. And she wasn’t good enough, she wasn’t strong enough, and it would never *be* enough. It made her so tired. She’d tried and she carried but now it wasn’t enough.

I wish this would stop…

Some nights. Other nights. Tonight. All the suffering. The pain in her head, the shame. The fear. She was not a Templar as the others were. She couldn’t fight anymore. Not like she should. All she did was brew and hide and fight, fight, fight back that fear and shame. And she was losing. Had lost. But she couldn’t let them see. There were others, there was dear Cael, and Kory and Syl and young Physsia and they can’t know…

I wish I was not….

Author Wallaroo
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